Living

Life is more than just being alive.
It’s more than just waking up, going to work, eating, coming home, and going to bed.
It’s learning to love, learning to fall, learning to thrive.

There’s more to life than the same old everyday routine.
If you find yourself dragging yourself out of bed, and walking through your day as if you’re on auto-drive,
That’s not living.
It’s not even close.

That’s more like living the life of a ghost.
Someone who is floating lifelessly, unsure of their destination,
Not knowing when their next break or chance to get away is.

That’s someone frozen in their seat
as the world spins quickly around them.
They watch with a frown and wonder if this is how it ends.

Is this all I’m meant to become, or is there so much more to me?
And if there is, then why can’t I seem to find that side of me and let it free?
My world’s getting colder, and colder with every breath that I breathe,
And I’m beginning to wonder if I should just give up, and let it be.

In an instant, everything goes still, and time doesn’t change.
Life is filled with moments like these,
Where we are presented with an opportunity to do what we will.
We can walk away from it, play it safe, and maintain the routine.
Or we can grasp it with two hands, and tun with our dreams.

True, it’s risky.
There’s a chance it won’t work.
That we’ll be thrown back by our mistakes,
and we’ll have to take time to re-work,
everything that we know, and create a new path.

But we’ll push forward,
and learn to deal with the aftermath.

We’ll find a different way, and create something new.
We’ll form new bonds that are different than the ones we outgrew.
Each day will be different,
and if not then at least we’re doing something we love.

Now we’re doing something exciting, creative, fun, smart, enlightening,
or all of the above.
Now we’re chasing after our passions,
and have nothing that we’re scared of.

Instead of staying behind,
We’re dancing to the beat.
We’re not getting out of the kitchen,
because we know we can take the heat.

Life is full of setbacks,
and monsters that will do their best to make you feel incomplete.
They fill your head with lies or worthlessness and defeat.

But deep down we know we’re stronger than any of the gashes that they leave.
After all, in order for a phoenix to rise,
it must first burn to ashes
before taking flight.

Change is out there,
you just have to be brave enough to grab it.
Don’t let it scare you,
or force you to submit.

You must fight back, and take what is rightfully yours.

Only then will you truly be living.
Only then will you soar.

~Brooklyn Wilkins

To be a Queen

To be a Queen


Hello My Beauties,


   This past September I decided to do something ambitious and fun, and actually social for once. I entered a beauty pageant, and that's not even the crazy part...I won.


Here's the full story: Every year the local fair, the Albert County Exhibition, has a country beauty pageant for girls ages 13-18 as the grand opening of the exhibition, This has been a tradition for years, and every year 9-12 girls enter, and compete to see who has the brightest personality, and who is the most beautiful inside and out.


Of course I've always known about the pageant and had gone to the fair grounds to watch it annually, and just like every other little girl I had dreamed about being in it and winning. But as I got older, I became more and more aware of my body, and to be honest, I didn't always like what I saw. So when I finally became old enough to join, I just sat on the bleachers and watched from a distance, instead of joining the rest of my friends on the stage.


One thing you should know, is that I'm pretty close with the director of the pageant, and when she heard that I was not entering that year, she came to find me as soon as she could. She told me that she thought I would of been perfect for the pageant, and that she would of loved to see me up there. I simply explained that I just wasn't feeling it that year.


A year passes, and people are beginning to sign up for the pageant again. I had thought about it that entire year and asked plenty of people for the opinion on it, and they all had the same answer.
"Do it! It'll be an amazing experience!" So, with a bit of hesitation, I joined.


The moment I pressed send on the email, my brain began to over think everything. I knew that it was my first year entering, and I was most likely going to be the thickest/curviest girl there, and I'm not exactly popular, so I thought there was no chance in hell that I could even get runner up.


 The weeks slugged by in an agonizingly slow pace, but sooner than I had hoped, the day of the pageant arrived.


My older sister had come over to help me prepare, and to take some pre-pageant pictures. And before I knew it she had dropped me off at the assigned building for the interviews.

I remember walking into the building, feeling like my heart was going to fly straight out of my chest, and that I had a huge lump sitting inside my throat. But despite my quickly rising anxieties, I kept walking until I reached the sitting room.


I noticed 5 things straight away about the other contestants.

1. They were all blond or light haired.
2. They all go to my school and are in the same friend group, a.k.a, the popular girls.
3. They were all smaller than me.
4. I was the only one with a dress that had multiple colours.
5. They were all looking directly at me.

Each set of eyes felt like a set of scanners that was taking in every single possible flaw on me, each whisper felt like someone was ripping bits and pieces of me apart, and the overall experience felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water over top of me.

With a shaky breath I began to approach the table, painting a smile onto my face and giving them a cheerful 'Hello'.

The rest of the wait time was more than awkward for me. The group of friends were gossiping among each other about any recent drama that had happened in school, I on the other had a very quiet conversation with the shy person on my right.


It wasn't until the interviews had begun, and some one had come to give a presentation on another pageant that would be happening that I had finally become comfortable.


Since my last name began with 'W' I was one of the last people to be called by the judges. In the meantime I sat through two presentations, ate a bit of food, and practiced the dance that we would be expected to preform later that night.


In the end all the presentations in the world couldn't of held it off, and the dreaded moment had finally came.


"Brooklyn Wilkins? We're ready for you now."


After a few deep breaths I got up, and followed the man to the judges room, the advice from my friends and family running through my head.


'Just be yourself, you'll do great.'
'Don't be scared, be confident in everything you say.'
'Don't lie about who you are or what you do. Let them see the person we all love.'


With the words of encouragement imbedding themselves in my brain, I was ready.


The judges had asked me a series of questions. Some were about me, and my hobbies and interests, others were about what I do in my community, or asked about my involvement in the fair and what I would change about it. I listened to parents and answered every question with my heart, keeping a very real smile on my face the entire time. I discovered that being myself was working, when halfway through the interview one of the judges stated,
 'You seem very passionate about everything you say, leading into the next question-'
from that point on I couldn't help but feel as though I actually had a shot at this thing.


Once the interview was finally over, the hard part was done, and all that was left was the dance and  the crowning ceremony.


Now one thing I haven't told you, is that all the contestants of the pageant choreographed the dance ourselves, the original choreographer had gotten sick the night before, leaving all the planning in our hands. Somehow knowing this left me feeling more confident in my performance, that night, and when the country song 'Head Over Boots' by Jon Pardi began to play, I knew that dance like the back of my hand, and let my soul take control as everyone began to dance.


Unfortunately, after the fun dancing part, came the heart stopping, adrenaline pumping part. The crowning.


I remember there sitting in my chair, the sentence 'And the 2016 Albert County Exhibition Queen is... Brooklyn Wilkins!' whispering tauntingly in the back of my head, but I quickly corrected myself, reminding myself that it was my first year, and there were some girls here that had been in it multiple times, that the crown usually went to a grad student, and that I was only in grade 10.


They announced the Miss Congeniality, a girl who had talked to basically everyone, and helped out a lot in the dance, I myself had voted for her.


2nd Princess, a girl who was in my grade, and actually a some what close friend of mine.


1st Princess was surprisingly the same girl who one Miss Congeniality!


And then it was time for the Queen. At this point I had told myself 'Well, there's always next year' , and my older sister told me that she had actually began to put away her camera.


The judge began to give the usual speech. 'Before I announce this years Queen, I just like to say that we would give it to all of you if we could, you are all such amazing young ladies, but sadly we cannot. So this years Albert County Exhibition Queen is... Brooklyn Wilkins.'


I could of sworn I got whiplash from how fast my head shot up. In a daze of shock, I stood up, walking towards last years Queen, who traditionally crowns the new queen, and allowed her to place a sash reading 'ACE QUEEN 2016' in bold, gold letters, a velvety, purple cape, and of course a beautiful tiara on me. I could hear the area where my family was sitting screaming in applause. I remember being herded towards the other winners for pictures, lots of pictures, and repeating the judges words in my head.

I don't think it even really sunk in until I saw my family waiting for me by stage. We laughed and cried and took even more pictures, and I was honestly the happiest I had been in a long time.


The rest of the weekend was spent with me giving up many hours for my 'Queenly Duties' This included participating in a parade, handing out ribbons for the many contests and events, accepting many 'congratulations', and visiting the local nursing home. In total I spent a tiring 37 hours there that weekend, and was pooped out by the time it was all over.

     Now this wouldn't be a 'Nerdy Blogger' post if I didn't include some kind of life lesson, or deep take on this entire thing.


What I really learned from that weekend is don't underestimate yourself, that you are capable than so much more than you think, and that it doesn't matter your size, race, hair colour, eye colour, gender, anything, all that matters is it's what you hold on the inside that counts.


 And I know that all sounds so very cliché but it's the truth! I don't care if you are small or big, short or tall, black or white. If you are kind, and nice to those around you, even if they aren't so nice to you, you are truly gorgeous and it's up to you to show off that beauty to the world.


And if you find your way to shine, but you think that you can't do it, or that you'd only fail in the end, don't listen to yourself. Take it from me, accepting that one opportunity can open a world of other doors, because of that weekend I was invited to enter the Miss Teen Atlantic Canada pageant in Dieppe and was encouraged to enter by an army of people.


So when life gives you an opportunity, please give yourself the biggest gift you can and accept it.


Always Smiling,
The Nerdy Blogger
(Brooklyn Wilkins)


P.S. QUOTE OF THE POST!! "They asked her 'How did you free yourself?' She answered 'By embracing my own power.' ~ Yung Pueblo